Recently publishing my memoir, More Reason to Know Him, was a book I was working on for quite some time, years! Being published and on Amazon recently, I suddenly had an anxiety attack! I woke up the day after it was published and realized my story was out there in public. Right on the back of the book, I told the world I didn’t have a uterus! Oh my, what did I do? However, I prayed and asked God to help me through my anxiety. He did. I realized it was for Him that I had written the book. Without God, I wouldn’t have made it through the many sorrowful years of living with MRKH. I had other good reasons to write it; also, we’ll get into that shortly.
My story begins with my diagnosis pre-computer age in the year 1970. After my diagnosis, there was nowhere to find any further information about MRKH. My diagnosis put me in a most isolated position with no computers, no Google, and no cell phones. I didn’t think I’d ever meet another person in the world that had MRKH. I didn’t share my news with even my closest girlfriend. It was rare and personal. My family swept it under the rug, never to talk about it again.
My MRKH was my very own secret. Having questions, concerns, and extreme grief for the family and children I’d never have, made my heart break and made me feel broken. At the time, I was in college and engaged to be married. My diagnosis became the reason my engagement ended. Then came the thought, who would want to marry me? My life that day changed forever!
It was 42 years before computers were available and in homes. I was 61 years old. For the first time in my life, I was able to find out more about MRKH. Up until this point, I never had met another person with MRKH. Every doctor I ever had did notknow what MRKH was. The feelings of isolation added to anxiety and depression. The sense of “not belonging” washorrible. Not sharing my MRKH and keeping my secret didn’t help. I also realized because of my shy way; my family couldn’t talk with me. I take responsibility for no one ever speaking with me about it. I was not approachable.
Yet, my story is one of “hope” despite the reality, praise God! In 1975, I married a man that had been married before and had two children, Lori and Kim. The girls were 7 and 8 years old when I met them. I became their stepmom. We did not have the girls full-time. I love them as though they are my biological children. God blessed me with them. Yet, I still searched for my identity through work. In the book, you’ll see that there are stories within the stories. Each level points to how God provided for me blessings during my life. Writing the book helped me see His Fatherly love at various stages of my life.
In 2003, while searching for my identity, I was searching for someone or something to fill a hole in my heart. It could only be filled with Jesus. Once I received Him into my heart at the age of 52, I immediately knew my identity. I was a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords. My life changed forever, literally. I belonged to the family of God. Receiving Jesus into my life, I knew I’d spend eternity in heaven with Him when I left this world. For that, I am forever grateful. Jesus died on a wooden cross; he was crucified, died, and was buried. Three days later, he rose from the grave. He is a living Savior. He died in our place and paid for the sins of the world. All who believe in Himand receive Him into their hearts have eternal life. My hindsight perspective became one of “awe” as I wrote my story. Able to see God’s hand in my life was amazing! He loved me even before I received His son Jesus.
In 2016 I attended my first MRKH meet up in Philadelphia. It was so special! Meeting other women that had MRKH, made me feel whole again. I wasn’t alone. Yet I was 61 years old, these MRKH sisters were quite young. It was fine, a beautiful experience. To get connected meant the world to me. I finally met doctors who knew about MRKH. The group we have and belong to is unlike any other group of people. Connection with each other whether that is via the internet, zoom, FB or whatever platform, there is a special bond we all share with our sisters all over the world! I am forever grateful for our sisterhood and feel blessed that we have each other.
As I continued to write, it felt as though I was slowly releasing years of grief that had been stuffed way down into my toes. Also, I began sharing my story on a speaking platform in my church and other meetings for a group called CR, Celebrate Recovery. Speaking about my story, blogging about it in a public format, and writing my memoir, I had lots of time for reflective perspective. In November 2019, I had the privilege to speak atthe Global MRKH Conference in Australia. It was an honor and a very humbling experience. The conference was terrific, and I met many wonderful MRKH Warrior sisters. We are a courageous group, I will say! Each of us have similar stories, yet very different experiences. It is so good to share with each other.
In my memoir, More Reason to Know Him, I share the incredible blessings of having MRKH. I’d refer to my life today as authentic, resilient, and recovering. It has been a long journey, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love my MRKH sisters around the globe! MRKH touched my life in a way nothing else could. Today I can say I am most grateful as it made and shaped my life in a very unique way nothing else could have.
MRKH gave me the opportunity to live a life filled with trauma and trials from yesterday to today, a life of triumph and transformation. I’ve learned and continue to learn my own truth with passion, persistence, and purpose. To bring advocacy and awareness about MRKH is a joy. No longer hiding, I’m sharing MRKH so that the world and doctors especially will know how women with MRKH feel.
Taking a stand and sharing my story for His glory gives me a chance to brag about God as well!