Dating can be complicated but dating with MRKH can make it even more complex.
From a young age, society tells us that as women, our purpose is to get married and have children.
So knowing from 17 years old that my journey to have children would be complex made dating scary. It was even scarier when I discovered I couldn’t have sex (this was before I even knew I had MRKH).
I didn’t know what was going on with my body so dating at this time was dangerous for my mental health.
At 17, before my diagnosis, I was in a very unhealthy relationship, on both sides. He knew I couldn’t have sex and said he was fine with this. But I then discovered he had cheated on me with a woman who had a child.. so this was a double whammy. I was hurt so I responded by cheating on him; hence the very unhealthiness of the relationship. When I broke off the relationship, he told me that no one would ever love me due to my condition. This whole experience reassured my belief that I was unlovable and no one would ever want to be with me due to MRKH.
I have had many other unkind things said to me by sexual partners over the years of dating. Those things made me feel unlovable so I chose to search for love in the wrong ways. I would drink and have “one night stands”; they would leave me and again I felt alone and unlovable. The wounds kept getting deeper.
I tried to tell myself that the mean things said to me about my body, vagina, and condition were untrue but deep deep down I wasn’t convinced and honestly, even after years of healing I am sometimes still not convinced.
At times, when things had the potential to go well, I would sabotage the relationship. I would hurt them before they could hurt me. I built a wall.
Now, I have found a partner that loves me for me. He has worked hard to tear down my wall that I built so high and so strong. He chips away at it daily and I know some days are still hard for him. He has shown me unwavering love and proven to me to that I am enough, that I am loveable, and that my condition does not define me. I am so much more than MRKH.
Having a loving partner has helped me heal but I have had to work hard to heal myself, for me. To be a good partner, we need to heal ourselves and love ourselves first. We should not depend on others to heal us, that is not their job or responsibility.
So to anyone struggling to feel lovable, worthy of love, or enough, please know that you are lovable, you are worthy of so much love, you are enough and you are so much more than MRKH. You do not need to settle for less than the love you deserve. You deserve to be happy and to feel loved. You are strong as hell so be confident and be proud of everything you have overcome. And if you need, lean into our amazing MRKH community; so many of these ladies have helped me in more ways than they will ever know! 💕