The Sun is Up Now – Revealing all of Me
After 10 years of hesitation, ponderation, and contemplation, finally I made up my mind to come up with my truth which I had been hiding throughout my life i.e. the uniqueness with which I have sent to this world. A ‘rare but not so rare’ medical condition that I have been suffering with – MRKH syndrome. Yes, I am an MRKH warrior and India’s first MRKH advocate.
Due to social stigma, I had the clear instruction from my family and doctors not to talk about my condition to anyone. As, I am a person with expressions, and I am open about talking or discussing anything, it was very suffocating for me to hide the things from friends and relatives. But, on the other side, I wanted to reach in that mental state, where I don’t be impacted with any kind of reactions from society – be it positive, negative or utter silence.
Finally, I reached that state where I really don’t care what others think about me. I am an introvert person who has spent her almost entire life with the family members. I always have limited friends and I am an isolated person by nature. So, literally others’ opinions were not going to impact me as I have a least interaction with people in my current scenario/atmosphere. Also, I have reached the state where I have not much hope left for my future and I have nothingmuch to lose from here. Now, I want to spend rest of my life for my purpose, for my MRKH sisters. I want to give a meaning to my life.
Now, when I have opened up and revealed about my medical condition to the world, I have made a peace with myself. Now, there is no spinning thoughts, no storm in my mind and no more tangled thoughts.
Here, I would like to share my experience after the revelation which I recently made. I want to talk about the responses I received and how I felt.
I wrote the post (of revealing my medical condition) on Sunday and published it on Facebook on Sunday night without thinking anything about people’s reactions. That very day, I found Christina and Amy by my side. I was feeling so strong and determined which I can’t describe in words.
Just after publishing my post on Facebook, I started getting responses (private messages, comments) in Facebook, WhatsApp and messenger.
I had usual plan of working from home from Monday like any Monday. But, unexpectedly, I received positive responses, heartfelt and warm messages. By reading those messages, my heart was melting, I had tears in my mind, and I was so overwhelmed. I had tears rolling down my cheeks now and then. I wasn’t able to control my emotions. I took a day off because I knew I wouldn’t able to focus on my work.
I am thankful and want to express my gratitude from the bottom of my heart to my school friends, college friends and ex-colleagues, ex-boss who sent me heartfelt and encouraging messages. All of your responses gave me a strong positive feeling and a courage to stand on my own belief/my choice and gave me a confidence to move ahead holding my head high. To my pleasure, as few offered their help to fulfilling my goal. I just felt that humanity still exists.
I would like to thank my MRKH friends and sisters. Indian sisters of course gave me a silent support as they are protecting their privacy that I highly respect. And, a special mention to Christina who wrote such a beautiful post for me. I always feel that I am lucky to have such a great-hearted person as my friend and mentor who is truly a friend and loves me selflessly. And, she is and will always be closest to my heart. Amy, a true fighter and an inspiration to me, gave me proper guidance and support when I needed the most.
While talking about my MRKH sister, how can I forget Ayesha, who is such a sweet-heart and a very sweet person and with whom I always enjoy talking, sent me a lovely message and stood by me. Hasna who always kept me in her thoughts, provided me an immense support, confidence what I needed the most at the crucial moment.
Thankfully, I did not get any negative and hurtful response. But there was utter silence among the co-workers, neighborhood, and relatives except one or two co-workers who sent me private messages. Whatever may be their reactions, I couldn’t take this in a positive way. I felt like now, I don’t exist for them or I never existed for them.
Having said that, I didn’t keep any negative thought in my mind, because my heart was already felt with happiness and thankfulness that I received from my well-wishers, my true friends and I really felt that I have kind, empathetic and big-hearted people around me. What if they are far from my place, now I have a special place in my heart for them.
Archana Bharti (Purbi)