Conversations around infertility are hard. It’s very difficult to know exactly what to say to a person who is grieving. We tend to present solutions instead of simply saying, “I’m here for you.” As important as it is for us to give ourselves grace, it’s important that we give our friends and family grace as well. I know it comes from a good place but telling me that adoption and surrogacy exist does not help.
Adoption and surrogacy aren’t a quick fix solution for infertility. It doesn’t solve it. There are still moments of anger because I am unable to do something that was supposed to come naturally. There is this feeling as if you’ve failed your family or a future patterner. There is this feeling that your body failed you.
Adoption and surrogacy aren’t a solution to my grief. Everytime I see a pregnant woman I want to run away and hide. I am envious and in awe of how beautiful they are. I feel this emptiness because love was supposed to grow here, joy was supposed to grow here.
Infertility took away my choice, only leaving me with adoption and surrogacy as options. I know there are other options out there but it seems very overwhelming. MRKH is a journey and we are called warriors for a reason. I know that I’m strong but sometimes I just need someone to hug me and remind me that I’m worthy.
So family and friends, next time approach them with love. Hug them for as long as they need. Let them know that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone. Tell them how beautiful and worthy they are. Even if they don’t believe it in that moment. They don’t need you to understand, they just need you to listen.